I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
Randomize
