I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.
That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.
My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
Randomize
