i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
Randomize
