Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
Randomize
