You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
Randomize
