She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
Randomize
