you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
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