You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
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