The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
So far my survey results are telling me to pawn the ring. Thoughts?
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
Randomize
