You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
Randomize
