The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
Short Circuit remake moving forward, David Carradine dead by his own hand. Come home soon, society deteriorating rapidly. Nation's capitol likely not safe.
So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
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