Donna and I are betting on whether or not you are going to cheat on your boyfriend tonight....I said you wouldnt do it.
You might as well just give her the money now.
Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
Randomize
