We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
The point remains that this is the setup for some great stories
Or terrible, horrifying, traumatic experiences
great clearly means different things to us
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
Randomize
