Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
Randomize
