I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
Randomize