I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
Randomize
