they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
im calling her cock vulture from now on
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
Randomize
