I am doing a scientific study and i need a brief description of the underpants you are wearing
The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
Randomize
