$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
Whatcha textin bout Willis?
Cuntadactyl. (n). A pre-historic dinosaur of Mandy-like features that is primarily identified by it's inability to play well with others and overall C-word demeanor. Physically, an unfortunate appearance.
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
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