Would you object to my putting the bidet video on my Facebook page? It;s awesome.
Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
Randomize
