please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
Randomize
