You just made me feel so damn special
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
Randomize
