Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
Randomize
