Your tits are I can't wait for
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
I need to stop researching the drugs I do on Wikipedia. The parts about abuse and dependency hit too close to home
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
OH MY GOD I AM DYING. AS I WAS TEXTING I JUST BUMPED INTO A MOTHER FUCKING DEER. I AM SHAKING
Wait...Literally? You hit a deer...with your body?!
I PHYSICALLY RAN INTO IT. I FELT ITS WEIRD HAIR AND I EVEN APOLOGIZED CAUSE IT DINDT REGISTER THAT IT WASNT A PERSON. MORTIFIED.
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
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