He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
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