i saw like six of her guido cousins in the jersey shore trailer alone. her family is having a dinner party for the premiere tonight.
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
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