I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
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