I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
Randomize
