I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
Randomize
