I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
Randomize
