I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
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