i learned of a new sex move called the pterodactyl. 3 guys stand in a row. 1 girl blows the one in the middle while jerking off the other two. kids these days!
Yaeh! Back in our day we had to wait our turn for some party whore to blow us!
well there you go. the average partycunt evolved into megapartycunt just like scientists predicted.
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
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