Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
I understand. Hypothetically what should one do after throwing up in the shower?
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
Randomize
