Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
You can't special order awesome
I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
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