Help. Asians are flirting in front of me(773): They speak asian
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
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