Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
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