Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
just survived the first fart of the relationship.
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
Randomize
