Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
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