I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
We climaxed at the same time during ain't no mountain high enough. Does it get more cheesy or domestic for a non relationship?
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
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