His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
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