I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
My underwear smells like fireworks.
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
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