and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
Can you confirm that Victor fucked a girl for Jack in the Box tacos?
I cannot, but I know he fucked a girl for a Nerf hoop and a "Kingpin" dvd.
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
Randomize
