come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
Randomize
