Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
Randomize
