I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
You're earring is so big in my mouth
Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
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