If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
You're like the curious george of whores
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
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