So gin and wine won't be happening again
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
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