he quoted Bring It On. It's over.
he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
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