She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
Acid is not a monday night drug
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
Randomize
