Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
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