Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
Randomize
